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I'm at level 96 on my second New Game + of Chrono Cross.
And I still can't beat Lavos with Serge alone.
I am so full of suck.
Why is it that I always get the most creative late at night when I'm too tired to actually do anything? Actually, I'm not that tired now, but I probably will be exhausted as soon as my head hits the pillow. Plus I always feel crappy after staying up way late. Creatively, though, things are odd. Still trying to get over my lack of ability to make any significant progress on my short stories (a novel, in this case, since that's what we're focusing on in this workshop), and at the same time I'm feeling frustration over my fanfiction. I don't think it's an either-or thing. I mean, I've had fanfic dry spells that failed to produce any good original fiction, and I scoff at the notion that fanfiction is "lesser" (unless you let it be), but I wouldn't mind having some extra energy for the Nameless Novel of Evil. I'd really like to get some significant work done on the slutfic, because I honestly think it's one of the more creative and well-written Trigun stories to come down the pike in a while. I mean, Sturgeon's Law, not like it's that difficult, but...I'm kind of proud that Casey and I are taking a pairing that just does not work if you look at it realistically and not all "I am a fangirl, so I will put the pretty people together, tee hee" way. ( Cut for an unexpected rant on yaoi, slash, and why one pisses me off more often than the other. ) Wow, major aside. Anyways, I like what we've done. It'ss by far the longest piece of fanfiction I've ever produced, and I want people to see it. I want to get it out there and say "Hey, I did that and I did a pretty good job. Cool." But I'm letting go of that for a while because for now at least I despair of ever getting it finished. I mean, I don't really believe that...I have every confidence that it will be finished and posted sooner or later. Just...probably more later than sooner. I don't want to spend more time angsting over the slow productivity rate than I do pondering actual plot and quality and shite. I think I've kind of crossed the line to make that a bad balance, so I'm stepping back for a little while because it is just a fic and I do have other things to write and do, so no need to become an obsessive psycho harpie over a goddamn fanfic. (Oh, and Casey, this is NOT meant to be a jab at you or anything like that. I too have been Ms. Slacker for longer than I'd care to admit, and I'm just thinking out loud, not calling you on the carpet to be my beeyotch and write. Because if you were my beeyotch I'd make you bring me fruity umbrella drinks and hire sexy Irish men to dance for us so we could both enjoy. I would be a good beeyotch master.)
Sigh, see? Words flowing. It's a good night for this sort of writing, at least. I think my brain is a little too fuzzy for things such as dialogue. Those are for a more coherent hour. But a good, yappity livejournal is kind of freeing in its flow and creative in a small way that is good enough for me. I have no idea why I'm still awake, anyway. I got up earlier than usual this morning (read: before noon) and didn't even know what day it was right away. I didn't run a marathon or anything, but the day was busy enough that I should be tired, and...not so much, really.
And I'm hungry. And there's not much to eat here. Sigh. At least this means I'm not eating junk.
( Cutting again for EXTREME APARTMENT HUNTING CLOSEUP )
After all of this babbling, I feel really shallow to save now to mention that today I found out that my grandfather has lung cancer. Yes, this scares me. I love him dearly, and I think I inherited a good portion of my sense of humor, not to mention my sweet tooth, from him. In a way, losing him would be harder than losing my grandmothers, because one has no idea who I am anymore and the other is just...harder to connect with these days. I shouldn't even have to say that I do love them, but Grandpa is still himself and still here in a way that my grandmothers aren't... Anyways, they're doing a test this week when he's at the hospital for a check on his skin cancer (extremely mild, apparently, lesions that he's had for a while, nothing to be worried about). If it's bad, they could do chemo, or they could just give him a better quality of life and let him ride it out, since he is in his eighties. God, I'm getting more scared as I type this. Maybe it didn't sink in before. I don't want my grandpa to die. If anyone who reads this could spare a prayer if you do that or simply some good vibes, it would be greatly appreciated. I'll try and think positive for the moment.
Returning to shallow randomness, Utena is really fucking weird. Is it just me or are the episodes from the first two DVDs a LOT shorter than the Black Rose Saga ones? At least they have Touga and Saionji, though. Mmm, evil sexiness. Knives might have to prepare for competition if I can find some good wall scrolls or posters next time I'm shopping for anime-type stuff. Of course, that might be Otakon, or hopefully ACEN. Anyone going to that one? I was pondering entering my AMV and going for a day to see that and Johnny Yong Bosch, and then I found out that my friend Emma's award-winning play is being performed on that weekend in that location, and it just seemed serendipitous, so I definitely plan on going if things go well.
I think I'm about talked out for tonight. All in all, I feel pretty good about myself at the moment. If you made it to the end of this, thanks for listening. Reading. Whatever. ;)
And I still can't beat Lavos with Serge alone.
I am so full of suck.
Why is it that I always get the most creative late at night when I'm too tired to actually do anything? Actually, I'm not that tired now, but I probably will be exhausted as soon as my head hits the pillow. Plus I always feel crappy after staying up way late. Creatively, though, things are odd. Still trying to get over my lack of ability to make any significant progress on my short stories (a novel, in this case, since that's what we're focusing on in this workshop), and at the same time I'm feeling frustration over my fanfiction. I don't think it's an either-or thing. I mean, I've had fanfic dry spells that failed to produce any good original fiction, and I scoff at the notion that fanfiction is "lesser" (unless you let it be), but I wouldn't mind having some extra energy for the Nameless Novel of Evil. I'd really like to get some significant work done on the slutfic, because I honestly think it's one of the more creative and well-written Trigun stories to come down the pike in a while. I mean, Sturgeon's Law, not like it's that difficult, but...I'm kind of proud that Casey and I are taking a pairing that just does not work if you look at it realistically and not all "I am a fangirl, so I will put the pretty people together, tee hee" way. ( Cut for an unexpected rant on yaoi, slash, and why one pisses me off more often than the other. ) Wow, major aside. Anyways, I like what we've done. It'ss by far the longest piece of fanfiction I've ever produced, and I want people to see it. I want to get it out there and say "Hey, I did that and I did a pretty good job. Cool." But I'm letting go of that for a while because for now at least I despair of ever getting it finished. I mean, I don't really believe that...I have every confidence that it will be finished and posted sooner or later. Just...probably more later than sooner. I don't want to spend more time angsting over the slow productivity rate than I do pondering actual plot and quality and shite. I think I've kind of crossed the line to make that a bad balance, so I'm stepping back for a little while because it is just a fic and I do have other things to write and do, so no need to become an obsessive psycho harpie over a goddamn fanfic. (Oh, and Casey, this is NOT meant to be a jab at you or anything like that. I too have been Ms. Slacker for longer than I'd care to admit, and I'm just thinking out loud, not calling you on the carpet to be my beeyotch and write. Because if you were my beeyotch I'd make you bring me fruity umbrella drinks and hire sexy Irish men to dance for us so we could both enjoy. I would be a good beeyotch master.)
Sigh, see? Words flowing. It's a good night for this sort of writing, at least. I think my brain is a little too fuzzy for things such as dialogue. Those are for a more coherent hour. But a good, yappity livejournal is kind of freeing in its flow and creative in a small way that is good enough for me. I have no idea why I'm still awake, anyway. I got up earlier than usual this morning (read: before noon) and didn't even know what day it was right away. I didn't run a marathon or anything, but the day was busy enough that I should be tired, and...not so much, really.
And I'm hungry. And there's not much to eat here. Sigh. At least this means I'm not eating junk.
( Cutting again for EXTREME APARTMENT HUNTING CLOSEUP )
After all of this babbling, I feel really shallow to save now to mention that today I found out that my grandfather has lung cancer. Yes, this scares me. I love him dearly, and I think I inherited a good portion of my sense of humor, not to mention my sweet tooth, from him. In a way, losing him would be harder than losing my grandmothers, because one has no idea who I am anymore and the other is just...harder to connect with these days. I shouldn't even have to say that I do love them, but Grandpa is still himself and still here in a way that my grandmothers aren't... Anyways, they're doing a test this week when he's at the hospital for a check on his skin cancer (extremely mild, apparently, lesions that he's had for a while, nothing to be worried about). If it's bad, they could do chemo, or they could just give him a better quality of life and let him ride it out, since he is in his eighties. God, I'm getting more scared as I type this. Maybe it didn't sink in before. I don't want my grandpa to die. If anyone who reads this could spare a prayer if you do that or simply some good vibes, it would be greatly appreciated. I'll try and think positive for the moment.
Returning to shallow randomness, Utena is really fucking weird. Is it just me or are the episodes from the first two DVDs a LOT shorter than the Black Rose Saga ones? At least they have Touga and Saionji, though. Mmm, evil sexiness. Knives might have to prepare for competition if I can find some good wall scrolls or posters next time I'm shopping for anime-type stuff. Of course, that might be Otakon, or hopefully ACEN. Anyone going to that one? I was pondering entering my AMV and going for a day to see that and Johnny Yong Bosch, and then I found out that my friend Emma's award-winning play is being performed on that weekend in that location, and it just seemed serendipitous, so I definitely plan on going if things go well.
I think I'm about talked out for tonight. All in all, I feel pretty good about myself at the moment. If you made it to the end of this, thanks for listening. Reading. Whatever. ;)
