Jaina (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
effervescible) wrote2003-02-09 03:40 am
effervescible) wrote2003-02-09 03:40 am
Entry tags:
Now I remember why I didn't get this ending before...
I'm at level 96 on my second New Game + of Chrono Cross.
And I still can't beat Lavos with Serge alone.
I am so full of suck.
Why is it that I always get the most creative late at night when I'm too tired to actually do anything? Actually, I'm not that tired now, but I probably will be exhausted as soon as my head hits the pillow. Plus I always feel crappy after staying up way late. Creatively, though, things are odd. Still trying to get over my lack of ability to make any significant progress on my short stories (a novel, in this case, since that's what we're focusing on in this workshop), and at the same time I'm feeling frustration over my fanfiction. I don't think it's an either-or thing. I mean, I've had fanfic dry spells that failed to produce any good original fiction, and I scoff at the notion that fanfiction is "lesser" (unless you let it be), but I wouldn't mind having some extra energy for the Nameless Novel of Evil. I'd really like to get some significant work done on the slutfic, because I honestly think it's one of the more creative and well-written Trigun stories to come down the pike in a while. I mean, Sturgeon's Law, not like it's that difficult, but...I'm kind of proud that Casey and I are taking a pairing that just does not work if you look at it realistically and not all "I am a fangirl, so I will put the pretty people together, tee hee" way. Total aside: for whatever reason, I will take non-anime fandom slash over yaoi any day. I am aware that there is truly shittastic slash, but I've found more good slash that actually puts significant thought into the nuances and motivations of the characters even if it's not right out there in front of everyone, like Wesley and a couple of people on Angel. In anime fandoms, it's like...because people really like yaoi and putting pretty boys together, that's reason enough. People don't even try to make things interesting or explain what drew these characters to each other. Just to use Angel as another example, I could point to plenty of very thoughtful examples in![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jennyo's fic and commentary that shows yes, there is reason and depth to this pairing. People don't even try in yaoi. It's yaoi, therefore it is The Shit and Not to Be Questioned so just Forget the Characterization, Missy, and Enjoy the Smoochies. And I fucking HATE the way het pairings are sort of smirked at because they're obviously so inferior. Fuck shit piss, can't people look at a pairing and judge it on what it is, rather than just the gender of the characters? Hell, in anime at least, there are options way beyond male/female, male/male, and female/female. Just look at Oscar...on the other hand, don't. I wonder if this frustration is how the hardcore slashers feel sometime when bumping heads with the disapproving hets. Wow, major aside. Anyways, I like what we've done. It'ss by far the longest piece of fanfiction I've ever produced, and I want people to see it. I want to get it out there and say "Hey, I did that and I did a pretty good job. Cool." But I'm letting go of that for a while because for now at least I despair of ever getting it finished. I mean, I don't really believe that...I have every confidence that it will be finished and posted sooner or later. Just...probably more later than sooner. I don't want to spend more time angsting over the slow productivity rate than I do pondering actual plot and quality and shite. I think I've kind of crossed the line to make that a bad balance, so I'm stepping back for a little while because it is just a fic and I do have other things to write and do, so no need to become an obsessive psycho harpie over a goddamn fanfic. (Oh, and Casey, this is NOT meant to be a jab at you or anything like that. I too have been Ms. Slacker for longer than I'd care to admit, and I'm just thinking out loud, not calling you on the carpet to be my beeyotch and write. Because if you were my beeyotch I'd make you bring me fruity umbrella drinks and hire sexy Irish men to dance for us so we could both enjoy. I would be a good beeyotch master.)
Sigh, see? Words flowing. It's a good night for this sort of writing, at least. I think my brain is a little too fuzzy for things such as dialogue. Those are for a more coherent hour. But a good, yappity livejournal is kind of freeing in its flow and creative in a small way that is good enough for me. I have no idea why I'm still awake, anyway. I got up earlier than usual this morning (read: before noon) and didn't even know what day it was right away. I didn't run a marathon or anything, but the day was busy enough that I should be tired, and...not so much, really.
And I'm hungry. And there's not much to eat here. Sigh. At least this means I'm not eating junk.
Today was pretty good in terms of apartment-hunting. We found some very, very good ones and some very, very bad ones. Lowlights include a complex that had cigarettes and beer bottles/cans littering the hall areas as well as burns in the carpet, holes in the walls, and banisters ripped off their holdings. We didn't even ask specific questions about that unit. It was large, but total ass. There was another place that seemed nice initially, but had crap parking and some safety concerns, like a back door in one bedroom (the hell?) and a lack of air conditioning that would not be safe in warm weather when we'd need to keep the windows open at night. Now I think we're looking at three major contenders. What we go with depends on what Becky decides re: two bedrooms or three. It'd be cool for us to live together, but it's not like we're going to decide "Infidel! Only those who join The Compound of their own free will shall be blessed with our friendship!" so, y'know, whatever we end up with will be fine with me. One building is literally right across the street from where we are now and the only thing I remember is that it has berber carpet and free high-speed internet access. The other is a few blocks away but I could get by with a bike. We haven't seen the inside yet, but it's run by the same lady that owns a friend's place that is quite nice, and it has shorter leases to boot, so I'm quite looking forward to visiting. The third place is super-uber nice, hands-down the swankest place to live in BG outside of Sydney Ribeau's mansion, wherever the hell that is. The only catch is that we'd need a fourth roommate, and we might have to sell our parents on the idea of a boy living there as neither Val nor I can think of any available girls that we'd definitely be happy to live with. It wouldn't be crowded; the way it is, everyone pays for their own room and shares the kitchen/living room. There are also two bathrooms with two sinks in each, so it really isn't what you'd normally think of in shared living. This place is farther out, though, and while the security is excellent, my parents are reluctant to let me use a car (and I'd need it) since the accords are pretty and, well, it's college. To my surprise, I found out that they were thinking of getting a used car for them to own and me to use when the van lease ran out, so maybe I can persuade them to do that early if necessary. We'll see. I like this place, but I like the other places, too, and if we end up with just two people it's not really worth it to look for two extra roommates.
After all of this babbling, I feel really shallow to save now to mention that today I found out that my grandfather has lung cancer. Yes, this scares me. I love him dearly, and I think I inherited a good portion of my sense of humor, not to mention my sweet tooth, from him. In a way, losing him would be harder than losing my grandmothers, because one has no idea who I am anymore and the other is just...harder to connect with these days. I shouldn't even have to say that I do love them, but Grandpa is still himself and still here in a way that my grandmothers aren't... Anyways, they're doing a test this week when he's at the hospital for a check on his skin cancer (extremely mild, apparently, lesions that he's had for a while, nothing to be worried about). If it's bad, they could do chemo, or they could just give him a better quality of life and let him ride it out, since he is in his eighties. God, I'm getting more scared as I type this. Maybe it didn't sink in before. I don't want my grandpa to die. If anyone who reads this could spare a prayer if you do that or simply some good vibes, it would be greatly appreciated. I'll try and think positive for the moment.
Returning to shallow randomness, Utena is really fucking weird. Is it just me or are the episodes from the first two DVDs a LOT shorter than the Black Rose Saga ones? At least they have Touga and Saionji, though. Mmm, evil sexiness. Knives might have to prepare for competition if I can find some good wall scrolls or posters next time I'm shopping for anime-type stuff. Of course, that might be Otakon, or hopefully ACEN. Anyone going to that one? I was pondering entering my AMV and going for a day to see that and Johnny Yong Bosch, and then I found out that my friend Emma's award-winning play is being performed on that weekend in that location, and it just seemed serendipitous, so I definitely plan on going if things go well.
I think I'm about talked out for tonight. All in all, I feel pretty good about myself at the moment. If you made it to the end of this, thanks for listening. Reading. Whatever. ;)
And I still can't beat Lavos with Serge alone.
I am so full of suck.
Why is it that I always get the most creative late at night when I'm too tired to actually do anything? Actually, I'm not that tired now, but I probably will be exhausted as soon as my head hits the pillow. Plus I always feel crappy after staying up way late. Creatively, though, things are odd. Still trying to get over my lack of ability to make any significant progress on my short stories (a novel, in this case, since that's what we're focusing on in this workshop), and at the same time I'm feeling frustration over my fanfiction. I don't think it's an either-or thing. I mean, I've had fanfic dry spells that failed to produce any good original fiction, and I scoff at the notion that fanfiction is "lesser" (unless you let it be), but I wouldn't mind having some extra energy for the Nameless Novel of Evil. I'd really like to get some significant work done on the slutfic, because I honestly think it's one of the more creative and well-written Trigun stories to come down the pike in a while. I mean, Sturgeon's Law, not like it's that difficult, but...I'm kind of proud that Casey and I are taking a pairing that just does not work if you look at it realistically and not all "I am a fangirl, so I will put the pretty people together, tee hee" way. Total aside: for whatever reason, I will take non-anime fandom slash over yaoi any day. I am aware that there is truly shittastic slash, but I've found more good slash that actually puts significant thought into the nuances and motivations of the characters even if it's not right out there in front of everyone, like Wesley and a couple of people on Angel. In anime fandoms, it's like...because people really like yaoi and putting pretty boys together, that's reason enough. People don't even try to make things interesting or explain what drew these characters to each other. Just to use Angel as another example, I could point to plenty of very thoughtful examples in
jennyo's fic and commentary that shows yes, there is reason and depth to this pairing. People don't even try in yaoi. It's yaoi, therefore it is The Shit and Not to Be Questioned so just Forget the Characterization, Missy, and Enjoy the Smoochies. And I fucking HATE the way het pairings are sort of smirked at because they're obviously so inferior. Fuck shit piss, can't people look at a pairing and judge it on what it is, rather than just the gender of the characters? Hell, in anime at least, there are options way beyond male/female, male/male, and female/female. Just look at Oscar...on the other hand, don't. I wonder if this frustration is how the hardcore slashers feel sometime when bumping heads with the disapproving hets. Wow, major aside. Anyways, I like what we've done. It'ss by far the longest piece of fanfiction I've ever produced, and I want people to see it. I want to get it out there and say "Hey, I did that and I did a pretty good job. Cool." But I'm letting go of that for a while because for now at least I despair of ever getting it finished. I mean, I don't really believe that...I have every confidence that it will be finished and posted sooner or later. Just...probably more later than sooner. I don't want to spend more time angsting over the slow productivity rate than I do pondering actual plot and quality and shite. I think I've kind of crossed the line to make that a bad balance, so I'm stepping back for a little while because it is just a fic and I do have other things to write and do, so no need to become an obsessive psycho harpie over a goddamn fanfic. (Oh, and Casey, this is NOT meant to be a jab at you or anything like that. I too have been Ms. Slacker for longer than I'd care to admit, and I'm just thinking out loud, not calling you on the carpet to be my beeyotch and write. Because if you were my beeyotch I'd make you bring me fruity umbrella drinks and hire sexy Irish men to dance for us so we could both enjoy. I would be a good beeyotch master.)Sigh, see? Words flowing. It's a good night for this sort of writing, at least. I think my brain is a little too fuzzy for things such as dialogue. Those are for a more coherent hour. But a good, yappity livejournal is kind of freeing in its flow and creative in a small way that is good enough for me. I have no idea why I'm still awake, anyway. I got up earlier than usual this morning (read: before noon) and didn't even know what day it was right away. I didn't run a marathon or anything, but the day was busy enough that I should be tired, and...not so much, really.
And I'm hungry. And there's not much to eat here. Sigh. At least this means I'm not eating junk.
Today was pretty good in terms of apartment-hunting. We found some very, very good ones and some very, very bad ones. Lowlights include a complex that had cigarettes and beer bottles/cans littering the hall areas as well as burns in the carpet, holes in the walls, and banisters ripped off their holdings. We didn't even ask specific questions about that unit. It was large, but total ass. There was another place that seemed nice initially, but had crap parking and some safety concerns, like a back door in one bedroom (the hell?) and a lack of air conditioning that would not be safe in warm weather when we'd need to keep the windows open at night. Now I think we're looking at three major contenders. What we go with depends on what Becky decides re: two bedrooms or three. It'd be cool for us to live together, but it's not like we're going to decide "Infidel! Only those who join The Compound of their own free will shall be blessed with our friendship!" so, y'know, whatever we end up with will be fine with me. One building is literally right across the street from where we are now and the only thing I remember is that it has berber carpet and free high-speed internet access. The other is a few blocks away but I could get by with a bike. We haven't seen the inside yet, but it's run by the same lady that owns a friend's place that is quite nice, and it has shorter leases to boot, so I'm quite looking forward to visiting. The third place is super-uber nice, hands-down the swankest place to live in BG outside of Sydney Ribeau's mansion, wherever the hell that is. The only catch is that we'd need a fourth roommate, and we might have to sell our parents on the idea of a boy living there as neither Val nor I can think of any available girls that we'd definitely be happy to live with. It wouldn't be crowded; the way it is, everyone pays for their own room and shares the kitchen/living room. There are also two bathrooms with two sinks in each, so it really isn't what you'd normally think of in shared living. This place is farther out, though, and while the security is excellent, my parents are reluctant to let me use a car (and I'd need it) since the accords are pretty and, well, it's college. To my surprise, I found out that they were thinking of getting a used car for them to own and me to use when the van lease ran out, so maybe I can persuade them to do that early if necessary. We'll see. I like this place, but I like the other places, too, and if we end up with just two people it's not really worth it to look for two extra roommates.
After all of this babbling, I feel really shallow to save now to mention that today I found out that my grandfather has lung cancer. Yes, this scares me. I love him dearly, and I think I inherited a good portion of my sense of humor, not to mention my sweet tooth, from him. In a way, losing him would be harder than losing my grandmothers, because one has no idea who I am anymore and the other is just...harder to connect with these days. I shouldn't even have to say that I do love them, but Grandpa is still himself and still here in a way that my grandmothers aren't... Anyways, they're doing a test this week when he's at the hospital for a check on his skin cancer (extremely mild, apparently, lesions that he's had for a while, nothing to be worried about). If it's bad, they could do chemo, or they could just give him a better quality of life and let him ride it out, since he is in his eighties. God, I'm getting more scared as I type this. Maybe it didn't sink in before. I don't want my grandpa to die. If anyone who reads this could spare a prayer if you do that or simply some good vibes, it would be greatly appreciated. I'll try and think positive for the moment.
Returning to shallow randomness, Utena is really fucking weird. Is it just me or are the episodes from the first two DVDs a LOT shorter than the Black Rose Saga ones? At least they have Touga and Saionji, though. Mmm, evil sexiness. Knives might have to prepare for competition if I can find some good wall scrolls or posters next time I'm shopping for anime-type stuff. Of course, that might be Otakon, or hopefully ACEN. Anyone going to that one? I was pondering entering my AMV and going for a day to see that and Johnny Yong Bosch, and then I found out that my friend Emma's award-winning play is being performed on that weekend in that location, and it just seemed serendipitous, so I definitely plan on going if things go well.
I think I'm about talked out for tonight. All in all, I feel pretty good about myself at the moment. If you made it to the end of this, thanks for listening. Reading. Whatever. ;)