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I feel challenged, so here's a post
Aug. 17th, 2001 01:34 amI'm very sleepy now. I actually got up before ten this morning, so maybe that's it, but I was going to skip lj tonight until Val mentioned a large update on hers. Well. I can't let that snip of an Italian outdo me. ;)
First something that's been floating in my head for acouple of days, thanks to my tendency to write lj posts in my head at work. I started thinking about it during part of a conversation Eric and I had when we were at Cedar Point, though I don't know if he remembers it. How I react to confrontations as opposed to him and Val--not that they're an amalgamous unit (proper usage?), but they do have similar temperaments in that respect. Often he and Val have commented about how it feels really good for them to let loose when they're angry with someone but they admire how I take the "moral high ground" and say nothing. I started thinking about how this has its good sides and its bad sides. First, the reaons why I am this way. I'm pretty sure one is my eternal optimism--I don't like burning bridges for no good reason, so why create later awkwardness? If I'm having a conflict with someone, part of me is always hoping that things can be resolved happily and/or peacefully, so why say something I'll regret later? I also don't like hurting people. One of the reasons I really dislike being at work with Rich is that he brings out the bitch in me. He makes me want to say mean things that I don't like saying, so I try and avoid him. Another reason I tend to be silent is actually self-defense, odd as it sounds. It is very difficult for me to go to someone and say "I think we have a problem here, can we please talk about it and resolve it." It's a lot more difficult when I finally realize that there isn't any way of resolving it. When I get really upset about something, I get horribly cold and shaky to the point that I can't type or do things with my hands well, and I get these horrible knots in my stomachthat just make me feel nauseous and leave me weak later. Not like a panic attack or an ulcer, but still extremely not fun. So when get quiet after something like that, it's usually because I know trying to sort through things further will just stir them up and make me feel worse again. I know that sometimes this makes me come across as some sort of ice-queen bitch who can just turn her back on things, but it's really in my own best interest at times. The reason I started thinking about me versus Eric and Val is that they are much more vocal about their pissed-offedness. I won't hesitate to defend myself if someone wants to rumble, but if I know it won't do any good, I'm like--why bother? The good part is that it saves me some stress. The bad part is that I don't get the opportunity to let out some of these feelings like they do. I've seen them post-rant, it's likean after-orgasm bliss. Hee! (Ranting is so fun. It should be an Olympic event.) Without the screaming middle-finger-in-the-face outlet, I''ve got a lot of leftover anger and stress that I have to work through. It's a common misunderstanding that I can just forget about things I don't want to think about, see above re the ice queen, but it actually takes work. I have to make an effort not to think about some things that upset me. It's not that I don't care or don't have all kinds of feelings, but it's just not worth tying myself up into knots when I do dwell on things. So in the long term if I can work through all the bad things, it's better for me, but it is more difficult int the short-term without the release that some people have. (Yeah, there's stuff I can do like posting in the other journal, but they don't have the same kind of effect) I don't think one way is better than the other, it's just temperament. A light and dark side to both, just like life.
Hooboy, how serious! Well, it's been floating in circles in my head, I'm glad I got it out on "paper." Heh, just like a real journal. ^.^ How does the exporting process work exactly? Anyways, at the moment I am insanely jealous of Indigo and all the other people who get to go to Wizard World. From the various posts I've seen, Otakon was jealuosy-inducing as well, but I don't know as much about it. I'd really like to go to another con someday, one besides Mid-Ohio. WW sounds just wonderful.
Speaking of comics, I went to the store the other day during my hunt for DDR, and got some good stuff. The newest issue of Midnight Nation is just kickass. Like a punch to the gut, but mostly in a good way. J. Michael Straczynski, you rock. I might even have to watch old Babylon 5 episodes to see more of his majesty, because MN and Rising Stars just rock my world. Oh fer the next trade paperback. JMS is Joss Whedon class in my book.
Interesting goings-on in the Hut of Evil this week. Some talk about women's vs. men's roles in a certain fandom sort of grew out of hand and now some people are upset and some people are crying. I wasn't involved because when talk onlist gets really serious and intellectual, I'm nodding my head and going "duh, you peeple good thinkers" and not saying much, but it's upsetting because some of the conflicting parties on both sides are very dear friends of mine and I hate to see people hurting. I wish we could rewind the feeling to the end of morp, when we were all happy to be alive and loving the time we had together. I hope things will get straightened out soon, because my bitches are some great people to be around.
Brief aside. LOL. How cute. How...vaguely disturbing.
Okay, winding this post up. I got off of work early enough to go see American Pie 2 with Patty, Chris and...Eric! Yes, worlds collide for the second time in less than a week. They liked hims lots. Patty wanted to clone him. As I said--everyone should have their very own Eric. I liked the movie. It may not be intellectual, but I thought it was very funny and really enjoyed some of the character interactions. I think everyone could see what would happen with Jim and Michelle, but I still had squealy happiness. I was right there with her emotionally, partly because she's "my" Willow and partly because I too am a girl band geek. Anyways, fun was had by all. And too cool--my HS friend Chris is going to be living like two doors down from Eric this year! How fun. He can help me keep an eye on the boy. ;) This is going to be a fun year.
Snort. I get waaaay too attached to anime music videos...the "faded" video always gets me started on Seiya/Usagi in a baaaad way:
When I get you all alone
I'm gonna take off all your clothes
Nobody gonna interrupt my game
Ever since you've been hanging around
I've been trying to figure
What I can say to you to get some play
Couldn't we do that thing we did last night again
Baby you and I'd be better than friends
Don't you think it's time we went a bit further
Every night when we say goodbye
How can I help looking in your eyes?
Wondering why you and I haven't hit it
Can we get it on?
I'm kinda faded but I feel alright
Thinkin' about making my move tonight
I can't pretend that you're only my friend
When you're holding my body tight
Cause I like the way you're making it move
I like the way you're making me wait
At the end of the night when I make up your mind
You'll be coming on home with me
*closes eyes and cringes* No! Must not give in to Char's demands for a pre-Bed of Nails lemon! Ack! Must read Usagi/Mamoru fic! Must not give into Seiya-lust!
Oh what dreams I'll have tonight... ;)
First something that's been floating in my head for acouple of days, thanks to my tendency to write lj posts in my head at work. I started thinking about it during part of a conversation Eric and I had when we were at Cedar Point, though I don't know if he remembers it. How I react to confrontations as opposed to him and Val--not that they're an amalgamous unit (proper usage?), but they do have similar temperaments in that respect. Often he and Val have commented about how it feels really good for them to let loose when they're angry with someone but they admire how I take the "moral high ground" and say nothing. I started thinking about how this has its good sides and its bad sides. First, the reaons why I am this way. I'm pretty sure one is my eternal optimism--I don't like burning bridges for no good reason, so why create later awkwardness? If I'm having a conflict with someone, part of me is always hoping that things can be resolved happily and/or peacefully, so why say something I'll regret later? I also don't like hurting people. One of the reasons I really dislike being at work with Rich is that he brings out the bitch in me. He makes me want to say mean things that I don't like saying, so I try and avoid him. Another reason I tend to be silent is actually self-defense, odd as it sounds. It is very difficult for me to go to someone and say "I think we have a problem here, can we please talk about it and resolve it." It's a lot more difficult when I finally realize that there isn't any way of resolving it. When I get really upset about something, I get horribly cold and shaky to the point that I can't type or do things with my hands well, and I get these horrible knots in my stomachthat just make me feel nauseous and leave me weak later. Not like a panic attack or an ulcer, but still extremely not fun. So when get quiet after something like that, it's usually because I know trying to sort through things further will just stir them up and make me feel worse again. I know that sometimes this makes me come across as some sort of ice-queen bitch who can just turn her back on things, but it's really in my own best interest at times. The reason I started thinking about me versus Eric and Val is that they are much more vocal about their pissed-offedness. I won't hesitate to defend myself if someone wants to rumble, but if I know it won't do any good, I'm like--why bother? The good part is that it saves me some stress. The bad part is that I don't get the opportunity to let out some of these feelings like they do. I've seen them post-rant, it's likean after-orgasm bliss. Hee! (Ranting is so fun. It should be an Olympic event.) Without the screaming middle-finger-in-the-face outlet, I''ve got a lot of leftover anger and stress that I have to work through. It's a common misunderstanding that I can just forget about things I don't want to think about, see above re the ice queen, but it actually takes work. I have to make an effort not to think about some things that upset me. It's not that I don't care or don't have all kinds of feelings, but it's just not worth tying myself up into knots when I do dwell on things. So in the long term if I can work through all the bad things, it's better for me, but it is more difficult int the short-term without the release that some people have. (Yeah, there's stuff I can do like posting in the other journal, but they don't have the same kind of effect) I don't think one way is better than the other, it's just temperament. A light and dark side to both, just like life.
Hooboy, how serious! Well, it's been floating in circles in my head, I'm glad I got it out on "paper." Heh, just like a real journal. ^.^ How does the exporting process work exactly? Anyways, at the moment I am insanely jealous of Indigo and all the other people who get to go to Wizard World. From the various posts I've seen, Otakon was jealuosy-inducing as well, but I don't know as much about it. I'd really like to go to another con someday, one besides Mid-Ohio. WW sounds just wonderful.
Speaking of comics, I went to the store the other day during my hunt for DDR, and got some good stuff. The newest issue of Midnight Nation is just kickass. Like a punch to the gut, but mostly in a good way. J. Michael Straczynski, you rock. I might even have to watch old Babylon 5 episodes to see more of his majesty, because MN and Rising Stars just rock my world. Oh fer the next trade paperback. JMS is Joss Whedon class in my book.
Interesting goings-on in the Hut of Evil this week. Some talk about women's vs. men's roles in a certain fandom sort of grew out of hand and now some people are upset and some people are crying. I wasn't involved because when talk onlist gets really serious and intellectual, I'm nodding my head and going "duh, you peeple good thinkers" and not saying much, but it's upsetting because some of the conflicting parties on both sides are very dear friends of mine and I hate to see people hurting. I wish we could rewind the feeling to the end of morp, when we were all happy to be alive and loving the time we had together. I hope things will get straightened out soon, because my bitches are some great people to be around.
Brief aside. LOL. How cute. How...vaguely disturbing.
Okay, winding this post up. I got off of work early enough to go see American Pie 2 with Patty, Chris and...Eric! Yes, worlds collide for the second time in less than a week. They liked hims lots. Patty wanted to clone him. As I said--everyone should have their very own Eric. I liked the movie. It may not be intellectual, but I thought it was very funny and really enjoyed some of the character interactions. I think everyone could see what would happen with Jim and Michelle, but I still had squealy happiness. I was right there with her emotionally, partly because she's "my" Willow and partly because I too am a girl band geek. Anyways, fun was had by all. And too cool--my HS friend Chris is going to be living like two doors down from Eric this year! How fun. He can help me keep an eye on the boy. ;) This is going to be a fun year.
Snort. I get waaaay too attached to anime music videos...the "faded" video always gets me started on Seiya/Usagi in a baaaad way:
When I get you all alone
I'm gonna take off all your clothes
Nobody gonna interrupt my game
Ever since you've been hanging around
I've been trying to figure
What I can say to you to get some play
Couldn't we do that thing we did last night again
Baby you and I'd be better than friends
Don't you think it's time we went a bit further
Every night when we say goodbye
How can I help looking in your eyes?
Wondering why you and I haven't hit it
Can we get it on?
I'm kinda faded but I feel alright
Thinkin' about making my move tonight
I can't pretend that you're only my friend
When you're holding my body tight
Cause I like the way you're making it move
I like the way you're making me wait
At the end of the night when I make up your mind
You'll be coming on home with me
*closes eyes and cringes* No! Must not give in to Char's demands for a pre-Bed of Nails lemon! Ack! Must read Usagi/Mamoru fic! Must not give into Seiya-lust!
Oh what dreams I'll have tonight... ;)
