This is how a Twilight/Bleach fusion should REALLY go

[effervescible]

So Ray and I got to talking about all the fics on ffnet that cast Rukia as Bella and Ichigo as Edward, and how they are dumb.

raynos:But don't you know that Bleach done Twilight style is all the fad?

jaina: A stupid fad

raynos: I've seen at least 3

jaina: Bella is like the anti-Rukia

raynos: I would think it's the other way around
raynos: RUKIA IS THE VAMP
raynos: Or you know
raynos: someone ought to do it with Bya/Renji

jaina: AHAHA I WOULD LOL SO MUCH WITH RUKIA AS EDWARD

raynos: YOU KNOW SHE SPARKLES
raynos: AND HA HA CARRYING ICHIGO AROUND
raynos: BECAUSE HE'S A KLUTZ

jaina: AHAHAHAHA
jaina: hell, she sparkles in canon

raynos: So does Byakuya
raynos: Maybe it's a KUCHIKI THING

jaina: must be

raynos: So yeah, VAMPIRES

jaina: and Ichigo being ~madly in love~

raynos: And Rukia wanting to eat him up cause he SMELLS SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

jaina: I can't see her not wanting to bang him cuz they're not married
jaina: WAIT WE NEED TO CAST THE REST OF THE CULLENS

raynos: BUT SHE THINKS SHE'S A MONSTER
raynos: THAT MIGHT BE REASON ENOUGH
raynos: I dunno who to cast as the married older brother
raynos: Or Alice

jaina: Esme and Carlisle = Unohana and Ukitake

raynos:XDXDXDXD
raynos: Why?

jaina: Mom and dad!

raynos: Hee hee
raynos: But where does Byakuya fit in then?

jaina: he doesn't necessarily have to, this is crack
jaina: who's a bitchy girl to be Rosalie?

raynos: One of the Arrancars
raynos: But if you want Bitchy but sekritly nice, Soi Fong?

jaina: Yes! And Yoruichi can be Jasper.
jaina: Because I don't think we can give Soi Fong a boyfriend.

raynos: Hee hee yes
raynos: Until it's Oomaeda
raynos: for lulz

jaina: Orihime and Ishida as Alice and Emmett? Or maybe I mixed up Emmett and Jasper...fuck it, I don't care, as whoever is left.
jaina: Because Alice is nice and a little wacky
jaina: ...Renji as the werewolf best friend who's actually madly in love with Ichigo

raynos: HA HA HA HA
raynos: ISHIDA AS RUKIA'S OLDER BROTHER I LIKE
raynos: But Emmett isn't prissy :0
raynos: I like Orihime as Alice!
raynos: AND YES RENJI =D

jaina: HE YEARNS TO LOVE ICHIGO~
jaina: ...GRIMMJOW IS JAMES, THE VAMPIRE FROM THE FIRST BOOK WHO WANTS TO KILL/NOM ON ICHIGO'S BLOOD

raynos: OMG
raynos: HEE HEE
raynos: IT ACTUALLY MAKES MORE SENSE WITH ICHIGO
raynos: SO MANY CREEPY STALKERS

jaina: IT REALLY, REALLY DOES

raynos: (THOUGH KENPACHI COULD FIT TOO)

jaina: BECAUSE HIS BLOOD TASTES LIKE STRAWBERRIES

raynos: *ROLLS*
raynos: AND HE SMELLS OF STRAWBERRIES

jaina: SO IT'S VERY HARD FOR RUKIA TO NOT JUST EAT HIM

raynos: BECAUSE SHE LIKES STRAWBERRIES

jaina: APPARENTLY
jaina: So...so what happens when Rukia knocks him up?

raynos: HA HA HA HA
raynos: BECAUSE IT'S A VAMPIRE BABY HE ENDS UP HAVING IT?
raynos: ... I'd like to see that actually
raynos: Ichigo: WTF

jaina: HE DOES NOT APPROVE

raynos: OF COURSE NOT
raynos: IT'S AN ALIEN PREGNANCY XDXDXD

jaina: What do they name the baby?

raynos: I don't even know what they named it in the book

jaina: Renesmee

raynos: HA HA HA HA HA

jaina: after their mothers. Renee + Esme.

raynos: Well, obviously they must name the kid Unoki
raynos: Or Masahana

jaina: Oh god

Comments

[ruxi.livejournal.com]

jaina: hell, she sparkles in canon
raynos: So does Byakuya
raynos: Maybe it's a KUCHIKI THING












*weeps in a corner*

[jaina.livejournal.com]

BLAME KT FOR THE CANON THAT MAKES YOU CRY

[shigure.livejournal.com]

What scares me more is the fact that you guys know all the characters from Twilight and their characteristics so you can cast them. I must tell you that I read the book and I only remember Bella, Edward, erm, Bella's dad, and like, blobs that are people that make the rest of the characters in the book.

[raynos.livejournal.com]

To be entirely honest I uh, haven't read the book/watched the movie, the convo was totally based on LJ commentaries only. XD

[shigure.livejournal.com]

....I'm gonna pretend I believe you. :P

[jaina.livejournal.com]

I'm not even sure how I know them. I guess from hanging out at f_w and reading Cleolinda's recaps.

[shigure.livejournal.com]

No, I'm sure you're actually a big fan but you're keeping it suppressed. :P Though this reminds me of how everyone crosses Harry Potter with another fandom. Seriously, I've seen it show up in my Eyeshield 21 fandom. Seriously?! EYESHIELD 21 is about AMERICAN FOOTBALL. What the heck?!

[jaina.livejournal.com]

LOL don't make me kill you, Anna.

I guess HP fandom is just so big it has to spill over to other ones.

[lady-ganesh.livejournal.com]

Dude, you guys should write this!

[jaina.livejournal.com]

I don't think I'm that committed to Sparkle Motion.

[lady-ganesh.livejournal.com]

Hey, I'm burning "Notorious" to CD right now!

O NO SPOYLERRS

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

...does this mean Bella's dad is secretly a vampire?

Re: O NO SPOYLERRS

[jaina.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't that make the books better?

Re: O NO SPOYLERRS

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

You know, it would explain why he's so cool with werewolves and vampires running all over the friggin' place.

I WAS READING THE BOOKS FOR SPOILER I SWEAR

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

I forced my eyes upward to meet her dazzling face, sparkling in the sunlight. "Is it my turn to ask a question?"

The corners of Rukia's mouth turned upwards in a wry smile. "I suppose."

My mouth was dry and I felt myself blush. I was being silly and she probably wouldn't tell me, but I had to know. "How does someone become a shinigami?"

With snarl, she turned away from me. I knew I had done something wrong as soon as I said it. But I couldn't be with her, not like this. I was getting older every day, while she always remained perfect, aging in some sort of weird algorithm that allowed her an afterlife childhood or something. "If you don't tell me, Orihime will."

Rukia knew I was right. "Ichigo, can't you just be happy the way you are?"

I shook my head. "I could never be happy if I couldn't always be with you."

Her shoulders slumped and she rifled around in her pocket. "Can you do me a favor now?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Depends."

"I just want to try something. Just...stay very still. Don't move." She was putting on some sort of red, fingerless glove. How odd. Rukia wouldn't be getting cold, not here. "Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Just do it. Always so stubborn."

I closed my eyes and braced myself for whatever she was trying. I slowly peeked open with one eyelid to see her look at her red gloved hand, turn to me, and make a fist. "Rukia, what are you--"

And then she punched me in the face. The burning sensation was all through my body, and hurt like nothing ever had before, but the feeling very quickly subsided. I sat up, and saw my body lying face up in the grass two feet away. Looking down at myself, I was now wearing the same outfit as Rukia, and just as sparkly. "AWESOME."

Rukia gaped open-mouthed at me. "Holy cats, look at the size of your sword LET'S MAKE HALF-SHINIGAMI BABIES."

THE END

Re: I WAS READING THE BOOKS FOR SPOILER I SWEAR

[raynos.livejournal.com]

EPIC WIN

Of course, the only way you could make it better is to remove that THE END and give us more lulz worthy stuff~~~

Re: I WAS READING THE BOOKS FOR SPOILER I SWEAR

[jaina.livejournal.com]

OMG BEST FIC EVER

Re: I WAS READING THE BOOKS FOR SPOILER I SWEAR

[lady-ganesh.livejournal.com]

YOU, MA'AM, WIN THE INTERNETS.

[tigerlilyaj.livejournal.com]

You know, I wish I knew Bleach to rate the accuracy of your castings, but this was funny nonetheless.
There's no problem with the dude getting knocked up, BTW, since either the jump-the-shark baby or Rukia have to bite the baby out. The baby is not "born" in the traditional sense. ;-)

[tigerlilyaj.livejournal.com]

Oh, and thank you for sharing the knowledge that there are Bleach/Twilight fusions, just as a general note. Now I'll have to think of others that should be out there.

[maianarisa.livejournal.com]

You mean Bleach got affected by the Twilight fandom too? T_T

Honestly though, I would expect a lot of people would have Orihime as Bella instead of Rukia.

[visforvanilla.livejournal.com]

OMG. I hate those fics. XD Rukia is not a Bella. Although your comvo is made of pure epicness.