Where I was

[effervescible]

Not sure why I'm writing this. I'm not trying to be insensitive, but on a personal level, I was not overly affected by 9/11/01. I didn't lose anyone. And I don't feel especially affected on the anniversary, at least, not moreso than anyone else. But after reading some of the coverage of the anniversary, and reading some people's stories in the blogosphere, I wanted to write it down--I think as much to have it written out before I forget any more of the details.

I was 19, and a sophomore in college. I didn't have class until at least 10:30, so I was sleeping in a bit. I didn't notice anything amiss until I checked my e-mail and saw a message from Lori on the Hut of Evil mailing list:

I just turned on CNN. Holy SHIT.

And that was all. What? What had happened? I don't remember exactly what happened next--I think I wandered up to an acquaintance's room and asked if they'd heard something had happened. They hadn't. "Some planes hit the World Trade Center, I think...turn on the TV." We did. It took a while to really process. It felt most real when the NYC/DC HoEs checked in--I think everyone reported in safe around when I found out, so at least I didn't have to worry overmuch. At some point, our university's cable cut out, though I'm not sure why, judging from a mailing list message from me in which I misspelled my own name. I'm gonna have to chalk that up to fat fingers rather than trauma, though.

I went to class. I didn't know what else to do. Dr. Poor, normally a really enthusiastic, lively guy, was quite somber. He said people didn't have to stay, but he would give us news updates as known so far then have class as normal, because he thought we could use some normal then. I stayed. I don't think people learned much--I know it was shorter than usual. Afterwards, I gathered around a little antenna TV in the front lobby of the dorm with some others to try and watch the news.

Classes didn't get formally cancelled until only people with evening classes were affected. I remember feeling guilty for enjoying the days we got off when the university did cancel a couple days here and there. I remember rhyein hugging me when she, dialogue and I went to some kind of ceremony the uni president had, and I remember talking things over with sarcasticval and agreeing that it was okay to feel sympathy for her because her friend died--ahem, `died'--yet still recognize she was a toxic person. I remember finding out how she'd perverted the tragedy to get attention and being shocked, yet not shocked at all. But that's a different story entirely.

In the end, my life was only changed to the extent that Americans' in general were. In the last five years, I've heard some people talk about how people need to get over 9/11, that worse things happen in other countries all the time--genocide, for one. And the latter might be true. But that doesn't change the impact that it did have on a lot of people, and it's not wrong to sit back and reflect on it. It's only wrong if people take what they learned from it and do nothing.

Comments

[oddrid.livejournal.com]

Do people actually say things like that? That "worse things happen all the time?" That's awful! People should never, ever try to compare suffering like that. It just trivializes pain, makes it into a statistic, a body count competition. I'm very angry at people who are saying that. >/

Grrrrr.

[jaina.livejournal.com]

I don't know if anyone ever comes out and SAYS it--if they do, I'm probably not hanging out with those people--but it's a vibe I've occasionally gotten from reading things, not really in conversation.

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

I think it's a reaction to the certain Americans who think that the events of 9/11 are the worst thing to happen to ANYONE EVER EVER.

[oddrid.livejournal.com]

Well, everyone has something that's the worst thing to happen to them ever. Americans wouldn't be the only ones to make an assertion like that over something that's happened to them. It's horrible to tell someone to stop grieving, like it's gotten old and people just shouldn't do it anymore. That's more offensive to me than asserting that it's "the worst thing to happen ever" - at least that's a sentiment based in real pain rather than a calloused onlooker's POV.

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

Is Bush eating a cat like corn on the cob in your icon?? XD

The grieving process is a personal thing. I've never seen anyone else say "Worse things have happened" to the face of a grieving widow (unless you count Ann Coulter), but it's been my experience that those who shout loudest about what a tragedy it was are those who were least affected by it.

It's sad and the day of the attacks I was pretty personally fucked up by all that happened. But with all the brouhaha over "NEVER FORGET" and "Remember 9/11", it makes me want to scream "SHUT THE FUCK UP." Not at those who are grieving, but those who are using fear for political gain. Trust me, I remember 9/11 every day my train into the city has stopped for more than 15 minutes due to "police activity". I remember it every time I see an ad on the train or subway that says "If you see something, say something." I'll remember it tomorrow, as when I fedEx my shampoo ahead of me because I can't throw it in my carry-on. I remember it every time I get cut off by an SUV with a "Support Our Troops" sticker.

(This is by no means any insult or attack on you and your beliefs and any and all tears shed ever. But just the side of someone who has something constantly in front of her as the PA system announces "NEVER FORGET THIS!")

[oddrid.livejournal.com]

It most certainly is ♥

NO I'm definitely not offended, I understand and agree with what you're saying 100%. I think I misunderstood your previous comment to be one to the effect of "it's over lolz stfu". I've seen a lot of calloused comments made by people with access to the internet in the last couple days, even more than "AMERICA #1 DIE OSAMA". Of course, that's because I purposefully have left my TV OFF for the past few days. ♥

HAHA yeah I think I've been cut off by that SAME SUV. And the fucked up thing is, they think that supporting the President is synonymous with supporting the troops. :(

[lul1aby.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Complete agreement, here. That's why I keep the tv off every year on that day. I remember trying frantically to reach my friend who worked two street blocks away and took the train to WTC every day and not getting through. I remember seeing smoke from the train window every day. And people around the busy, bustling neighborhood where I went to school for four years wearing face masks and walking through barricades as their offices were evacuated almost daily. And police on the trains, every day. And people hugging each other in Union Square. I don't need to be told how to feel about it or when to remember it. Especially not by people who use it for political gain and, as greyvorfeed so aptly put it below, wipe tears with bloody hands as they perpetuate the same horror on others. And not by the media.

But it doesn't upset me when non-new yorkers talk about their experiences of that day. Everyone did lose something. It was just different when you were there. Different still if you lost someone.

[greyvorfeed.livejournal.com]

Well, everyone has something that's the worst thing to happen to them ever. Americans wouldn't be the only ones to make an assertion like that over something that's happened to them.

That's true. However, we as a country have spent the last five years making horrible things like that happen to other innocent people, people who our own government admits had nothing to do with 9/11, using 9/11 as our excuse. In light of that, it seems to me that the OMG REMEMBAR REMEMBAR THE ELEVENTH OF SEPTEMBAR attitude is, at best, often hypocritical. I know that people still hurt over what happened, and that it's natural to grieve, but it seems to me that the yearly 9/11 media navel-gazing does nothing but support more naked power grabs in the name of those who died in the attacks.

While we've been in Iraq, we've literally killed an entire order of magnitude more civilians than the 3000 that died in the towers. And we're still counting. At some point, wiping our tears with bloody hands has to become less than convincing...

[jaina.livejournal.com]

I don't disagree with you--I sometimes want to jump up and down screaming pointing at the difference in casualties just from Iraq--but I also think that a certain amount of navel-gazing is all right, as long as people get that they need to look away from the tummy-lint once they're done. Heck, navel-gazing is a big part of lj and blogging in general.

[greyvorfeed.livejournal.com]

I guess I wasn't clear enough. I agree with you, which is why I specified MEDIA navel-gazing. I don't mind individual people posting about it, mentioning it, etc. -- that's just honest expression. It's the public and ubiquitous CNN retrospective/heroic movie/special flag at the post office/president's yearly memorial speech stuff that's obnoxious. It's propaganda, and at this point it should be totally clear that this sort of 9/11 boosterism is being used for a bad end.

[jaina.livejournal.com]

Oh right, duh, I cannot read! Heh. This shows I should stuff my face with Subway first, THEN read LJ.

[oddrid.livejournal.com]

Oh no, I totally agree with you. I don't agree with the war in Iraq, and I never did. I agree with it about as much as I agree with the decision to put planes in the towers, actually. And I also agree with you about the media. That's why I've left the TV OFF for the past few days. The extent that these people will go to get ratings is disgusting. I'm never for capitalizing off the grief of others - it's like selling American flag stickers in the ruins of 911.

The reason I even commented is because I'm ridiculously tired of these kids being all "I'm too cool for 911" because they're tired of this government. I just always feel the need to remind them that the people lost were mainly civilians, and have nothing to do with the bastard direction our leaders have steered us in. I've seen a lot of "I CAN BE CALLOUSED CAUSE THIS IS THE INTERNET" in the last few days. -_-

But I also want to clarify that the post I responded to WAS NOT made by anyone like that. :) I think I was just kind of cranky.

[buttercup0222.livejournal.com]

My experience was pretty similar to yours. Me and lalieth sleeping in at the dorm when my boyfriend called to say, "We're being attacked!" and my sleepy brain going, "WTF are you babbling about?" Finally got up to turn on the tv and I was glued to it for the rest of the day. We turned it on right before the first tower fell, but I don't think it really sunk in until later that day.

I didn't know anyone there. Didn't have anyone to worry about. But I was very saddened by the whole thing and pretty fucked up for the rest of the week.

As for today, I hardly thought about it. I'm not mean, I swear! I do still sympathize with everyone who lost their friends/family, but I am so sickened by this administration digging up figurative 9/11 corpses to further their agenda that I can't even stand to watch memorial stuff on tv.

For those affected, they need to grieve in their own way on their own timeline. But I really wish the public stuff would go away, or at least taper off. Did they do the reading of the names again this year? Sorry, but I think that really needs to stop. At some point you have to learn to let go. And for the kids who they have reading the names of their parents and whatnot, I have to wonder if it's healthy to impose such public grieving on them.